Monday, December 2, 2013

Sunday, December 1, 2013



Again, I've been ignoring my blog. So what, 'bukan ada org nak baca pun'. Yeah, this post I want to dedicated to all the fucking people and fakers and also to a few people that really pisses me off. Before I continue writing this shit post, I want all of you know that the reason I doing this is to release my fucking tension and not to gain attention purposes. Everywhere I go, there will be some people that always annoys me. Usually the ones that I would say close to me in terms of living together and socializing. I'm not referring to friendship wise though. Many people dont know about me that I can tell people that are sincerely want to be close to me as a friend and just to know me because of my benefits that I have. Fuck that people. These people are not the one that you can trust and be friends with. Because once you dont already hold the benefits that you've had, they will act like they dont even want you to be in their surroundings. Of course they wont tell you in front of your face, their actions speaks for themselves. I hate that. Its very sad because I personally want them to appreciate me for who I am. I know I sounded like very pathetic and fucking loser for saying that. Thing that really pisses me off, the way they ignored me like I never exist in that place. Everytime they got some news to tell or ideas or asking out, they always forget about me living in the same room. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I shared room with a guy. Lets call him 'The Pious One' for short TPO. They always go to TPO whenever they had something to talk or discuss and I just stood there minding my own business and pretend that I busy with stuff yet I hear them most of the time like planning to go a trip and hanging out. I'm really really hate that. Its like I'm excluded or something. TPO is for me that the only friend in this shit hole that I will remember for the rest of my life and also he is the most sincere of them all. He's the only person in this shit hole that notices me. Sometimes deep down inside I knew that someday he will be my best friend but I doubt it. Who wants to be best friend with me. That's the problem that I have, once I get too emotionally attached to someone, I will eventually get heartbroken and dissapointed.  Sigh. The problem that I have with TPO that I envied him because of who he really is and sometimes also irritates me because certain things that he forgot to mention. Come on! We share the freaking same room for god sake. Fuck.

Next we move on with the others. One of the fucking idiots that really pisses me of is 'The Talk Big One'. I dont get it with TTBO. He likes to talk big. He wants to do this, wants to buy that, wants to go there, blah blah blah...but in the end nothing. Plus, he also dont appreciate my presence here in this shit hole but he's actually the one that convince me to move in. I dont get it. Always the same shit. I admit that he is one the brightest here and he is hardworking when it comes to exams. So focus of memorizing notes and understanding it. He's so full of himself. His habit is when exams is just around the corner, he likes to show off that he's already memorizing it but he always complains that he does not prepare a shit. Fuck that. Also, words that coming out from his mouth, I doubt it that 100% is true. I think more like 25%. Thats about it. Fuck you.

Yeah, next fucking idiot is 'The Arrogant One'. TAO is the eldest here. He just end his single life and married to his love of his life. Newlyweds. Sigh. They way he treats me like I'm nobody like I have nothing. Ignoring me like I'm useless or something yet constantly tell me to be a leader of a pack that I really really hate doing it. Fucking retards. I knew from his face that he does not like me. He just pretend. Same shit he's been doing like other fucking retards in this shit hole. Like he buy something to eat and never ask me whether I want it or not. Always give to TPO again like I never exist. He is so arrogant. I know that some of his work in our organisations is very good not great. He's very proactive and hardworking but if you want to brag about the work that you've done about how well you managed the work, thats very low and stupid. You are a fucking arrogant.

The other two are 'The Taker' and 'The Orient', you two are excluded. You two are very nice to me and notices me like good housemates do. I dont have nothing bad to say to you but just a little thing about TT, he's always ask me to buy food for him but he always forgot to pay me back or he didn't. I dont know but one thing for sure I'm not from a wealthiest family. So simply understand it. You are a grownup.

I usually dont act like this. Burst it out to the whole world to know. I'm a good person and great with people. I dont know, maybe because of me. They way I present myself to others. I'm not rude and I'm kind. I just want others to notice that. I treat you guys nicely, in return I want you guys to treat me like that as well. It is just the continuous crap that pisses me off and I cant take it.

I'm sorry when I extremely overboard mad, I'm becoming a terrible potty mouth. Extremely.
If someone read this, or even worse someone from the same place, I'm sorry.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Positive Day/Good News day..


Not to brag or anything, but actually I can bring myself back in the right track. Yeah I know that I've been feeling down in the dumps through the last semester and that for sure made me realize that I can freaking actually do this. Yesterday, was one of the best day I had so far. I got the best tutor (supportive of me..^ ^ ) and I actually did study about this week's topics, seriously. (Metabolism, urghh..). So, maybe because of my confident level is starting to grow a bit by bit and the way I elaborate all those topics. Yeah, feeling pretty good about it. Plus, for the first time my mentors compliment me about my changes and again not to brag or anything but I think this could be the minor sign of me getting back my momentum which I had in the last couple of years (SPM time...). and of course before the compliment they mentioned about my lazy ass habit but that's okay. I take that as a catalyst to boost up my confident level. Thanks seniors, keep it coming ya!. (Hahahah!!). Not to forget, on this day also some of my seniors passed the clinical exams and got the title dr.Muda. Congrats to them. What can I say, this is my 'good news' day. The old Azuan who felt like he's in the bottom of the stinky dirt is now officially came out with a new pair of clean t-shirt and trouser. (what the heck?? haha..) I hope it will last longer because I really need this. I know I'm bound to do great things and I should be happy for what I am. Just need to stay focus and not let myself get down.

A new positive day is the mark of me getting back my momentum and yes I'm going to wade out of my stinky ugly mud puddle and rejoin the sun, rainbow and do things that associated with people of optimistic and motivational spirit (hahahaha!!).

Truly the most important thing personally as I'm a muslim, we should all repent our past sins and have a fresh new beginning today and do whatever we can to get a better tomorrow. Make a firm conviction to try to fulfill our obligations unto Allah SWT and do everything to please him and refrain from anything that may anger or displease him. -Note to self-

-peace out-
-Happy Birthday Ayah, Love u so much-

-6.48 AM, Friday, 15th February 2013-

Friday, February 8, 2013

Aftermath Volume II

Sorry, its been so long since I've posted something. Oh wait, why do I have to apologize? Is not like there are some people that actually read my blog anyway. Especially since I'm the namesake of this crapblog, but life has become far less stressful for me (Alhamdulillah) so i'll be posting more again I hope, and of course the 'don't give up' messages from some of my close peers after the last crappy results that I have to take. (Thanks guys) Unfortunately, life must go on. We cant look back at the past, there's a whole lot of reason behind it. Never mind, life sucks and we know that for sure. 

New semester, new group-mate, and hopefully new beginnings that can make up from the last time. InsyaAllah and of course I have to suffer from what I've done in the past. I have to cover my stupid face with a smile every time I came across with my peers. Hate it! Hate it! Hate it! But what to do. Hold it together Azuan, you can make it and I know I will be a bad ass doctor someday. You just wait and see. 

Now I know, there's only me and Allah that can get me through this. With the help of my parents, siblings and some friends (that actually care about me). I need you guys to help me achieve my dreams. I cant do it alone and I know now. You cant be a snob and believes that some people are inherently beneath you for any of one of variety of reasons like intellect, wealth, education, class, beauty (beauty? more like handsome hehe..), nationality or many more. It will not bring you to the level that you want it to. Hell no. You will ended up dead because someone will shoot you in the face. (Okay Azuan, you just going too far.). What I'm saying is, I need to be humble in order to seek everyone's help. 

Alhamdulillah, I have all the help that I need.

So, this is my first post in year 2013. Hopefully I'll be posting more again. 

Bitaufiq wannajah fil imtihan
InsyaAllah, robbuna yusahhil..