Saturday, December 3, 2016





STOP FUCKING MESSAGING EACH OTHER. PLEASE BE LIKE WHAT WE USED TO. FRIENDS. NOT MORE THAN THAT. I CANT ACCEPT THAT MY BESTFRIEND AND YOU ARE TOGETHER. FUCK!!!






Why is it so hard for me to accept that you guys are really in a relationship???
 Yes I'm fucking jealous. Its like my daily routine to check your status and online notification from both of you. FUCK YALL!! I hope you guys not ended up together. Its annoying to think that you guys are perfect for each other. Urghhhhhh!!!!

Friday, November 25, 2016



STOP SHOWING THAT YOU ARE HAPPY WITH YOUR LIFE AND GRATEFUL BECAUSE YOU ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING. STOP FUCKING SHOW OFF. I DONT WANT YOUR POSITIVITY SMEARED ALL OVER MY FACE. FUCK YOU!!! YOU MAKE ME FUCKING JEALOUS. FUCK YOU!!

Sunday, November 20, 2016







THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE THAT I CAN BE MYSELF AND SHOW ALL MY TRUE COLOURS. I'M NOT PERFECT. ITS JUST THAT I NEED THIS IN ORDER TO KEEP ME SANE. SO IF YOU DONT KNOW ME, GOOD. IF YOU DO, IM SORRY, GET THE FUCK AWAY OR IF YOU STILL WANT TO READ MY BLOG, SHUT UP AND DONT FUCKING JUDGING ME. 

What about that pause Azuan???

Yeah, what about that pause Azuan?!!!!
You think you can control your emotion by taking pause and breathe. You failed. I fucking failed. Why god? Why???? I fucking jealous of you two. Why I feel like I want them to just be friends like normal and dont have any feelings for each other. If its someone else I can accept but between you guys??? No I cant. Im a terrible best friend ever.

This this is very fucked up. I cant breathe. I need to get out from this.

Why do I feel like this? Ya Allah, let me concentrate on whats important. Let me be at peace....

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Go away...

Haha. I think my blog is turning into my personal diary. Who the fuck cares???!! I wonder why I feel like a bitch sometimes but I want to slap every couple in their faces. I feel like want to explode for no reason and kick in their stomach so that they can stop being cute and lovey dovey. Yikes. What the hell is wrong with me???????!!! 

Jealousy maybe? Oh shit. Why god? Why? Why put me in this position? 
Ya Allah berikanlah aku ketenangan supaya aku dapat menjalani kehidupan aku dengan normal dan tidak mengikut perasaan

I don't need that right now. I need to focus on my studies and let me be at peace. 

Because of you guys, who perfect for each other and cute and lovely and !!$!$#$%#^%#^$%..... made me think of one person who currently.. I don't know like me or not.  Stop it. I cant take it anymore. I'm jealous of you guys.

I'm madly in love with someone that I dont think I have a shot with. For the past 3 years, I've being so cool about it and thinking that its not the right time. You stupid son of a bitch Azuan. You decided to confess to her like a moron and end up you feel like shit. Every single day you wait for her to text you. I dont want this. Why god? Why?????

I want someone who I can share my thoughts and anything. Someone who has feelings for each other. Someone I can have deep conversations with who understand everything and opposite sex. I want that. With you. I dont want to waste my time searching for someone else. Arghhhh....

And plus my best friend who are now happy with his and you feel jealous because deep down inside you want the same kind of thing. Stupid. You cant force love and you already know that. But still Azuan, why??? Why you do that??? 

I wish I can take back what I did. I shouldn't confess to her. Now you feel miserable because of that. And everytime you watch them together and see them texting you feel like shit.  

Azuan. You stupid son of a bitch. Damn you. 


Friday, November 11, 2016

When things don't go your way...

"Its so hard to deal with this kind of emotion when you think someone actually care about you. Fuck you dude. Thought of being best friend with you but certainly you dont know anything about being a best friend. I opened up to you about my life and shared everything but what I got from you. NOTHING. ZERO. Fuck it. Yes Im over exaggerate about this but Im taking this too seriously. Maybe Im so desperate about having a best friend. Because I never had one. So you came along with all the qualities that everyone like. Everyone is so dependent on you but you can manage yourself well. Okay dude, stop being an ego bastard. I hate your guts dude. Please try to understand me. I dont want to go to you like I used to and spread shit all over your face. Im done with you. Im always be the one who knock on your door. Maybe Im an ego bastard as well but fuck it. Im so done with you. You are known to be the most helpful person in the entire world. Always taking care of everybody but when I have a problem YOU NEVER ASK! FUCK YOU. Yes Im jealous because you are the one that I can trust in this shit hole and never ask me whether you did wrong because you know you never do anything wrong. Fuck you. Damn you. Damn you. and plus now you hold a responsibility to be our leader. I hate you even more. We planned before to stay away from anything that have to do with the organization after one year but everyone seems to care so much about this damn persatuan and nominate you. Im fucking mad bro and you never ask me for help because you never respect me."



This is from last year. I kept this in my draft for so long because I scared I will lose a friend. No.
What I wanted and prayed for is being answered. Alhamdulillah.
Its the other way around. I'm so stupid. 
I can say that I have a friend that actually care about me. The one that never give up on me even though I always get mad because of silly things. Allah has answered my prayers. He did opened up to me after so long I wanted him to do that. He cried because he almost gave up on being friends with me but he didn't. He care for me to much like a brother and I do to. 

Thanks bro. Brothers till jannah. You are my best friend. No one can ever replace you. You are my person. The person I go to when I'm in trouble, sad, happy. I will be very pissed if you started dating and ignore me. But you didn't. We start together and finish together. That is our mission. I love you from the bottom of my heart. 

WHEN THINGS DON'T GO YOUR WAY, DON'T RETREAT; ADVANCE IN ANOTHER DIRECTION.