Shut Down.

I need a friend so badly here. I need someone to thrash talk with. I need someone who doesn't judge me the way I talk badly about people because I think that's the way I can release all the tension I have in this body of mine. Sadly, this is not the way its suppose to happen. I'm a muslim. There's a whole lot better way to release all the negative energies besides thrash talk about people behind their back and complain about how sucks your life is but the thing is thats the best way of all. It feels so much better. I'm going to hell for sure.

I basically now shut down all my emotional feelings towards some people. I just hate them. Seriously, I hate their guts and everything. They just like dont even care about whats going on with me and that's why I hate them. Maybe I'm a bit attention seeker but seriously I need a friend who be there for me and talk to me. Here me out what I'm about to express. Unfortunately, no one does this. I got one friend here that I think I'm close with but seriously I give up because I hate him so much because he's the kind that everyone respect and so kind with others and never shows any hatred towards people. Yeah, thats why I hate him. I dont know whats wrong with me. Jealous maybe. Before this I want to think that he's the person I will rely on the most. He's so reliable no doubt about that and thats why everyone rely on him and because of that I think maybe I'm better alone dealing with my problems and everything. Yeah, it is so hard to be friend with me because I easily get very emotional. Envy. Fuck off!! Maybe I need a girlfriend? Herm, I suck at relationship. Who am I kidding, no one will ever find me attractive. Hahaha. Hell no! I'm so damn fine. Just I'm very picky thats all. Thats why its so hard. Okay, my new resolution. FIND A GIRLFRIEND AND MARRY HER. Can I do that? Herm, duit pun mak bapak kasik. Who cares, relationship does not mean we must use all our money to cherish one another. No. I'm not that person who give everything to satisfy his girlfriend. No. Trust is the key. Patience. Yucks, geli plak. Okay.