I'm a sensitive guy. I hate being left out. Sometimes I feel like my personality doesn't stands out like it used to. I used to be popular and well liked but now I feel like I've been left out. It all started when I entered MRSM and my personality changes the way I wanted to. I wanted to be someone that I'm not and it got me. My journey through out MRSM life is not what I expected. I turned out to be the guy that people will remember and it is because of the achievements and other things that I do for the school but deep down inside I feel empty. I feel like I wasted my freaking MRSM life just to impress people and not single thing I do for myself. Yeah, I got a lot of experience from that but I feel like it doesn't help me at all. Now I feel like everything against me. My university life is fucking waste of time. I still in the middle of my thesis and I got stuck. I didn't know what to do. FUCK MY LIFE. That's a whole another story but we will get into that.

STOP FUCKING MESSAGING EACH OTHER. PLEASE BE LIKE WHAT WE USED TO. FRIENDS. NOT MORE THAN THAT. I CANT ACCEPT THAT MY BESTFRIEND AND YOU ARE TOGETHER. FUCK!!!

Why is it so hard for me to accept that you guys are really in a relationship???

 Yes I'm fucking jealous. Its like my daily routine to check your status and online notification from both of you. FUCK YALL!! I hope you guys not ended up together. Its annoying to think that you guys are perfect for each other. Urghhhhhh!!!!

STOP SHOWING THAT YOU ARE HAPPY WITH YOUR LIFE AND GRATEFUL BECAUSE YOU ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING. STOP FUCKING SHOW OFF. I DONT WANT YOUR POSITIVITY SMEARED ALL OVER MY FACE. FUCK YOU!!! YOU MAKE ME FUCKING JEALOUS. FUCK YOU!!

THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE THAT I CAN BE MYSELF AND SHOW ALL MY TRUE COLOURS. I'M NOT PERFECT. ITS JUST THAT I NEED THIS IN ORDER TO KEEP ME SANE. SO IF YOU DONT KNOW ME, GOOD. IF YOU DO, IM SORRY, GET THE FUCK AWAY OR IF YOU STILL WANT TO READ MY BLOG, SHUT UP AND DONT FUCKING JUDGING ME. 

What about that pause Azuan???

Yeah, what about that pause Azuan?!!!!
You think you can control your emotion by taking pause and breathe. You failed. I fucking failed. Why god? Why???? I fucking jealous of you two. Why I feel like I want them to just be friends like normal and dont have any feelings for each other. If its someone else I can accept but between you guys??? No I cant. Im a terrible best friend ever.

This this is very fucked up. I cant breathe. I need to get out from this.

Why do I feel like this? Ya Allah, let me concentrate on whats important. Let me be at peace....

Go away...

Haha. I think my blog is turning into my personal diary. Who the fuck cares???!! I wonder why I feel like a bitch sometimes but I want to slap every couple in their faces. I feel like want to explode for no reason and kick in their stomach so that they can stop being cute and lovey dovey. Yikes. What the hell is wrong with me???????!!! 

Jealousy maybe? Oh shit. Why god? Why? Why put me in this position? 

Ya Allah berikanlah aku ketenangan supaya aku dapat menjalani kehidupan aku dengan normal dan tidak mengikut perasaan. 

I don't need that right now. I need to focus on my studies and let me be at peace. 

Because of you guys, who perfect for each other and cute and lovely and !!$!$#$%#^%#^$%..... made me think of one person who currently.. I don't know like me or not.  Stop it. I cant take it anymore. I'm jealous of you guys.

I'm madly in love with someone that I dont think I have a shot with. For the past 3 years, I've being so cool about it and thinking that its not the right time. You stupid son of a bitch Azuan. You decided to confess to her like a moron and end up you feel like shit. Every single day you wait for her to text you. I dont want this. Why god? Why?????

I want someone who I can share my thoughts and anything. Someone who has feelings for each other. Someone I can have deep conversations with who understand everything and opposite sex. I want that. With you. I dont want to waste my time searching for someone else. Arghhhh....

And plus my best friend who are now happy with his and you feel jealous because deep down inside you want the same kind of thing. Stupid. You cant force love and you already know that. But still Azuan, why??? Why you do that??? 

I wish I can take back what I did. I shouldn't confess to her. Now you feel miserable because of that. And everytime you watch them together and see them texting you feel like shit.  

Azuan. You stupid son of a bitch. Damn you.